Saturday, June 10, 2017

Mavis Upton I love you Handcuffs,Truncheon & a Polyester Thong by Gina Kirkham my review

It is more years than I care to remember that I sat and read a book all the way through as I have done with   Handcuffs,Truncheon & a Polyester Thong by Gina Kirkham.

This beautifully written book by Gina will have you laughing out loud many times, make you think and even make you cry as it did me. It will also make you forget that you made a drink and by the time you remember, it is stone cold.

Mavis the main character in this and through whom we get the whole story is so wonderfully written that you forget that she is a character, for she becomes real to you. You laugh with her not at her and you're on her side. The story of the engine being stolen, well that is just comic genius in my opinion. Mavis is the not quite, who becomes the quite and even when she is successful, the not quite bit of her comes out. She is very, very human and her life touches every part of our shared humanity, the comedy and sadness, the loneliness and the success.  The single mother, who loves her daughter, she also a daughter with a loving mother and who yearns for the father who left. This thread, the one of the missing father weaves like silver through it and is one that many of us can relate to. Gina leaves the story of him as an opening or is it closing chapter.

I loved the mother, as much as I know Gina loves her mother. I don't want to spoil it for others, but this was one part that made me cry and I know from her blogs that this was the hardest part for Gina to write. I can not do justice the the Mum in the few words I have here and when you read this you'll understand why.

The daughter equally well written and true to life a wonderful character for whom Mavis works so hard for and feels guilty about leaving as her job takes more and more time.

There is in truth not once character that is not well written and believable, quite simply we all know these types and have come across from them.

Mavis the police officer, again reminds us all that the police that we take so much from granted and only see the uniform not the person, we need to think more about and give them the respect they really deserve. Any one in the Police Force or who has been in the Police Force will recognise more than we civilians do, but through Mavis we can a glance at this otherwise closed world. The "gallows humour" is one of the funniest of many funny parts in this wonderful book.

This is a book that deserves to be a film, but part of me doesn't want it to be as film can never quite capture what your mind does when the author wonderfully weaves their magic. Marc Bolan wrote about when the writer talks to you as a friend - Gina is that writer and that friend, a bard like the old days who captures your imagination as they weave their magical words creating places and worlds for you to be. 

Yes Mavis I am totally in love with you and want more of you and your adventures, so if you can have a word to Gina to get her pen out again, but not one full of earwax. Oh yes Gina, I am also in love with you for without you Mavis would not be in our lives.

Friday, June 02, 2017

maat is not revenge it is love and not wanting harm to others and love not have must win

It is hard when people do terrible things, like as happened in Manchester not to want revenge or to make those who do these things to "pay for them".  For them to "rot in hell" etc., this many would could claim is  a natural reaction. In the moments after these events is it a "natural reaction " or is it just an emotional out burst of frustration?

Those who know anything about me know I was abused as a child, I am lucky some would say to be alive, this may or may not be true, the only facts are that it happened an I am here now to write and talk about it. My personal experience of abuse meant that for many years I hated all of the christones faith and all homosexuals, because after all those were the types who did it to me. Yet I have also been shown love without harm by many christones, and many homosexuals either known or unknown which would make me hating them all illogical.

Now we are in a period where Daesh are using Islam as an excuse, to commit horrendous crimes  against others including children. Yet my experience of Muslims has been very positive and I have many Muslim friends and they are the first to state that the actions of Daesh are not Islamic.

Daesh are not the first group from a religion to kill children we only have to look at the IRA in the 1970s and remember their crimes. Yet the majority of that faith group were and are loving people.

If we really look at things then we see that every faith or people claiming to be of that faith have done terrible things against children. There is no group without blood on their hands.

It is a sad fact that we are all capable of doing terrible things of crossing that line. We may say we wouldn't, but none of can be 100% sure we wouldn't. I know in the darkness of my own mind  when my pains were great I wished I could do many things and I know from speaking to others they have felt the same. Yet we do not and would never, because there is a bigger part of us that knows it is wrong and we act with love.

For me maat is the thing that keeps me on the side of love. It is my centre, it the thing that guides my every action and word. Yes I will speak out against the horror of the crime and that is only correct, but I can not every want another soul to die, or rot in hell. That would make me like the one who committed that crime. Yes I want justice for those who are hurt or killed, but that is not mine to give. No I do not want those who do such things here killed, for that would make me like them, a killer and taking a life is not love. My first thoughts and tears are always for the victims and their loved ones left here and I have none but a flickering thought for their murder (ers)

If we seek vengeance against those who do these horrific acts then we become like them and the only winner is Isfet with it's destructive hate. No one can tell me about the horrors of abuse I know them only too well, but I am merimaat, loving maat and that means I have to show love even towards those who did these things. I know in my heart they will face a justice as I will and be held into account for all of my actions.

If we look at the real results of these horrific crimes, we see it brings people together, we fight against the hate and the evil, it does not divide us, it unites us and it always must do so. History teaches that for every act of horror there are a billion acts of kindness and love. We must remember these things.

My own life has taken me from the darkness of Isfet towards maat, with maat I have become at peace and have only love in my soul. I just hope that all make this journey and that love continues to win.

Friday, May 19, 2017

A Guide to the Archaeological Sites of the Isle of Man - My Review I LOVE IT

A Guide to the Archaeological Sites of the Isle of Man by Andrew Johnson & Allison Fox which has just been published is simply the best guide you can have in my opinion.

Okay so being an oldie just one minor thing I don't like and that is the distance measurements being Kms or whatever they are, which to me any many of my generation might as well be, well anything because I don't understand them. Should have also done it in sensible measurements like yards and miles. However the guide is so detailed that once you're more or less in the right place you'll find what you're looking for.

The guide starts off with some of the long history of the Isle of Man particularly that which is covered by the guide. Very interesting as this gives a good over-all view and wets the appetite for what is to come.

What I really about this guide is that it is has a page showing the symbols useD and includes wheelchair symbols. While I don't use one that is handy for me as I use a stick so I know from a glance that the site might need extra care in getting to it. There is extra detail on each site but these symbols are great as a quick reference.

The guide is set out in Parishes, and when you arrive on the page of the Parish there is a map showing where the sites are in that Parish as well as other information like the population of it and the main towns within.  This I found great as it means you could if you wanted set out to see all the sites in a Parish and plan your route to find them. I can see many people now like myself tick off the sites until we've covered all those mentioned.

The detailed information on each of the sites is great, just enough to tell you about and not too much to bore you as some guides do (human and books). If you are interested then the further reading section tells you all what you need to know.

You don't have to be a history buff to have this guide, as you could use it just to get out and explore the Isle of Man, by why just do that when you could visit the sites mentioned.

It is rare that I read any guides but this goes to the top of my list of them. It really is that good. So well done to Culture Vannin and to the authors on this super book, which will be great loved and used and taken out with us, along with the birds wildlife and other books we take out, we'll need a trailer or bigger car at this rate.

If you live on the Isle of Man or unfortunate to live else where, or are coming to visit us here, then this is a must have book for you and your friends and family, in fact for every one everywhere; including any visiting Aliens from outta space - As I was advised, read it when you can't get out and read it when you are heading out to visit the site or when you're there at the site to get more information on it.


Friday, May 12, 2017

Goodbye Boogie thanks for love - Hello Kev

Yesterday 11 May 2017 I said goodbye to Boogie, that is the email address that I have had with Manxtelecom since 1997. As stupid as it might seem I shed a tear at doing so, because Boogie has been such a large part of me, in that he was my security, and he was the innocent part of me. Boogie was the child part of the character I created Boogiestarman. While the man part of this was a cold lonely resentful, even hating part of me, Boogie was the child was just loved and wanted to be loved. The Star was Marc Bolan, he whom I loved and who showed me never to give up, because eventually you will be loved and you can achieve all that you want if you work hard to get there.

As I reasoned this for myself, I saw that I was holding on to the past, the child who loved and wanted to be loved was now here having both of those things. The star is now in the millions of years but his light shines reminding us all not to grow too old to rock'n'roll and our lives should be lived to the full. The Man is no longer resentful, for thanks to the counselling, love and understanding that they have, the real man has grown through.Perhaps more importantly, the love I have of maat and for Holy Mother Maat, enables me to forgive my past and all the wrongs in it and even forgive those who did them and myself as well.

I will always love, both Boogiestarman and Boogie, for they helped me to survive, perhaps in many ways they were both the caterpillar and chrysalis, that enabled Kev to come through. So no, this is not a re-invention of myself or my turning my back on my past and those who I loved then and still do now, it is just me being free to from the weight of it and able to fly with out fear.

So thank you dear Boogie, you opened the world to me and now it's open I am going to enjoy it.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

As you are - from Human by Rag 'n' Bone Man You wrote my heart thank you.

Every once in awhile the come along a person who seems to have been in your head and says the things you feel. This has happened to me recently. I heard Human the single by Rag 'n' Bone Man and was blown away by it and his voice so I looked on line and discovered more of his songs. It has been a very long time since I got this excited about anyone, so as soon as I had enough money I went and got his album Human. Not able to contain my excitement I played it in the car on the way home. Aly and I both loved most of the tracks, but not all if we're honesty, on first hearing as some seemed a bit draggy and preachy. We both loved Human and Skin which in our opinion anyone who doesn't like is someone who doesn't like choccy, yes that bad. As we were playing I was reading the lyrics and taken back many, many, years when excitedly I would rush out and get the latest T.Rex album and read them! To my amazement Aly, also did the same thing and we both agreed it was the best album we's heard in years.

On the whole album there is one song that stood out for me and made tears come to my eyes, for here someone was singing about how I felt about Aly! How the hell did they know that ?? Well, it is not about her as he's never met her or me, but you all know what I mean. That song is called As you are. Now I am going to quote from it and please note that these lyrics are copyright to Rag 'n' Bone man and are not my words.

You raised the lights when it was frightening
You calmed the storm when it was rising
You found me there where I was hiding
All I have is here and now

It was these first lines that made me want to cry as this is exactly how I feel about Aly, she did these things for me, stopped me from being frightened and still does. She does calm my storms when the abuse I went through threaten to swamp me. She did find the real Kev who was hiding deep inside afraid to come out for various reasons . Yes all I have is here is and now. Most importantly it is all I want and nothing more.

If the ground beneath our feet has disappeared
I'll be here beside you, always be right near you
Remember me, won't you?

This is me asking if things go wrong please stay, which I know she will and has done so.

I know we've all got our problems
And it's a blessing that we made it here so far
If you lay here in these arms tonight I promise
I promise to take you, take you as you are

This is how I felt about Aly when I first met her and we both really felt about each other - for they about acceptance of the other as you are.

When I was reaching out in the dark
When the streets below just looked so far
When I forgot everything that I was
All I needed was your love

These for me are the "killer lines" For the abuse that I had made as a barrier around me so I couldn't be touched by others and so many said there was a barrier and I forgot how to love and how to be me, the real me, all I needed was to be loved. I think we all need that someone, some one who can make us feel safe enough to be ourselves, not to be afraid of who we are, someone that loves us as we are,  not what we show the world or what others think we are but the one who really knows us.  Yes these lines made me cry for I realised that all I needed was Aly's love and then Kev could be Kev at long last.

Need Your Love So Bad will always be "our song" for it was playing when we met and we play it every year as we remember that moment when we fell in love. Yet this song As You are, is perhaps the mature version of that, how through the years we've realised just how deep our love is and how we both really just needed someone to love us as we are and nothing more.

So Mr Rag 'n' Bone Man thank you, for saying what I have been trying to say  to my wife - nowt more to say than that .

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Healing & Closure? Not really just learning how to cope

Yesterday I read a really interesting blog by my dear friend Alex on Closure and I agreed with her conclusions on it. If we close something or seek to close  it then we are saying it never happened and therefore I believe we learn nothing from it.  Last night, I was shouting for my wife as memories came flooding back of the abuse I went through. Aly had to use the key words that we have so I would return less frightened to this time and not remain there, but still I had to get up for over an hour and defrag my Ba to remain here and get back to "normal" me.

Now some think, well you've had counselling surely you can now put those things in the past surely you must be healed. Well the truth is, that I am not healed in any way shape or form, for counselling is not time travel it cannot go back and prevent every abuse I went through from happening and if it could would I really want it to?

Why would I not want the abuse never to have happened? Surely any sane person wouldn't want to have been raped and abused mentally and psychically as I was. Well in honesty I can't really answer that question, because that happened to me it is part of my history, part of what made me, me. Would I be less of the Kev I am if kevin  had not gone through that or would I ever have become Kev? Would I have been able to become merimaat and have accepted the love of Holy Mother Maat and most importantly of all would I have seen the need to change and been able to love as I do now?

It might seem strange to some, but being abused has given me so much that I know others do not have. It has shown me how I needed to change and to stop being abusive to others as I know what that feels like. Strangely, it has also taught me how to love in the correct way, not the right way, for my abusers love in the right way, the right way for them. This is not the correct way, which is loving for others not for yourself.

Counselling didn't heal, or provide closure for neither of those things really exist, they are just words we use as we learn to be in the present not in the past. This is all that people do, learn to live in with events that have happened they are never undone  never closed, never forgotten, nor for many every truly forgiven. You learn to cope and accept that there are times when you can't do so and you have the right not to do so and you're allowed to fall apart.

As for me well, I do forgive for that is maat and that is love. What I have done to others as a result of being abused, burns my Ib and my Ba is troubled by, which is also maat. Yet this abused one now can love and give love not because they have to but because they want to do so. I have not closed my past or been healed from it, it is there and I learn not be what/who I was from it, not to be abusive. Strangely, I have also learnt not to make any judgements on those who abuse, for they might be mentally/emotionally ill or have been abused as I was.

So in the end we are never healed, never have closure, we just learn to cope and not to go back and live in the past, which I some might say is healing and is closure.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

My Beautiful Aly

My Beautiful Aly
the years have flown by in the twinkling of an eye
and now we are in our golden years
The bloom of youth has blossomed
and the autumn of middle age gone
now the winter of our sixties is here
The mirror doesn't lie 
 nor the white hair 
nor the wisdom lines
we both share
Where once was north 
now is deep south

Yet you still are my Beautiful Aly
My Beautiful wife
My Best friend 
My Lover  okay 
that I can no longer say

My love you will always be
My Beautiful Aly

(c)merimaat 23 March 2017