Friday, February 03, 2017

Why is being Kev is so important to me & not a choice as through it I am healing


Ever since my wife Aly and I got together she has only known me as Kev, that is how most,if not all know me. The few that have called me Kevin, have been corrected into calling me Kev.

In recent times I have been able to change most things without having to go towards the legal deed poll route from Kevin to Kev and have signed my name as Kev T on all things. I am not doing this to avoid things, but because the use of Kevin is alien to me now.

Today I hit a barrier where one government department accepted my change bringing it into line with all other departments and one "jobsworth" didn't accept my change. This was after I explained to them the reason for it. This upset me and now my wife has written a letter to that department.

 Why  is being Kev is so important to me & not a choice? Well a name defines you, who you are and what you are. Kevin was an abused child and adolescent who survived full of anger towards every adult in the world. A shell who hid behind the lies and who acted out things only to retreat from the world and lash out to keep people away. Not all bad for inside was Kev, the undamaged soul, who in his 40th year would find another gentle soul who loved him. It was Kev that sort help 10 years ago and received it and was believed. It was Kev that started telling the truth about things and started to feel. The shell slipped and out came me and it was  my counsellor who said, forget Kevin be Kev. Since then I have embraced Kev and Kevin has retreated from my life. I can not undo what has happened in my past nor will I ever fully heal, but the one very positive step I can take is to call myself Kev and live in the present. It is me, Kev who is also merimaat something the older version of me could never be.

We don't have much control over much of our life,  but we can control what we are called and if by taking one simple step and calling ourselves a name that helps us to be complete, to heal  as much as we can then we should make that one step. I have taken it and if now I have to do it through deed poll then I will do so, for I am now alive and want to stay that way.

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