Last night too many memories came flooding back and here I am writing this at god alone knows what hour. Trying to fight the pains of those memories and the pains of the M.E.knowing that I will sooner or later fail and once more be reliant on my dear wife to help me.
People are bombarded with how to be "positive" at the moment, told that exercise will do you good. Exercise and "healthy living" is almost the new religion now replacing the so called god of the past. Now rather than go to church you have to go the gym or ride a bike. Oh yes let's all do that and if you don't then it's your fault that you're unhealthy as even disabled people can it - no excuses is the mantra.
Yet for some of us the fact is that no matter how we want to be positive our hearts wont allow us to be, or perhaps it is our brain. The black dog, as Winston Churchill called it swamps us and we crash into depression. Then there are those of us with "invisible" disabilities like M.E., we'd love our old life back when we could exercise, get out enjoy life, but there are most days when we can't and even when we can it is for a limited period. As for riding a bike well that is something I have never been able to do and I know I am not alone in that.
There times when we all feel that as much we want to be positive we do get swamped by being negative, negative thoughts, negative feelings, negative memories etc., then we just need to retreat for a little time and rebuild. We could just snap out of by the result of some good news happening or a loving action or another soul. Some might find it harder and need medical help. I don't believe for one moment anyone wants to remain in a negative state I don't that is for certain, yet for me it is a daily battle to remain positive as I know it is for millions of others.
Now these words are down I need to rest for awhile and then if I am lucky I will rebalance. The final words I have is peeps, be kind to each other and just remember that the a person who is being negative is trying to be positive and just thank your lucky stars it is not you.